Some of life’s gifts come wrapped in very strange and scary packages. Sometimes the wrapping comes in a hideous neon paisley print with a puke green bow on it. But it isn’t about the wrapping, it’s about the valuable gift inside and sometimes it takes some digging to get to what’s hidden within.
I was “Roofied”. Someone slipped a drug into my drink that sent me into an episode of lost consciousness. It was a scary moment waking up in the morning having no recollection of half my night. It was terrifying to wonder “Where is my car?”, “How did I get home?”, “What happened to me?” as I look at the nasty cuts and bruises on my body with no memory of how I got them.
I was fortunate that answers to those questions and a basic account of my memory’s missing time was just a few phone calls away. I had been safely surrounded with good friends with no real harm coming to me in the end. It could have been so much worse, possibly for another girl that would have unsuspectingly ended up as a man’s rag doll.
You think these things happen to other people, not you. I am such a big fan of the philosophy that if you come from a loving, worry free space you don’t attract that kind of stuff in. So how did this become a part of my reality? After a very long and draining week dealing with what I am calling “Roofie Fall Out”, I had the quiet time to reach within, to my Inner Wisdom and the Universe and ask that question.
One of the questions in my book LIFE SHAPING QUESTIONS I find to be a turning point to resolving and healing any situation is “What is the opportunity for me to learn and/or experience?” When I posed that question to my Inner Wisdom (not the rational logical ego mind, for it would just give me a story) I found myself pulling off that ugly green puke colored bow, ripping through the wrapping paper and looking at major GROWTH eye to eye.
The Roofie Fall Out was just as draining as being drugged. I had to put my “big girl panties on”(as one of my girlfriends likes to say) to deal with authorities, peoples misconceptions, gossip, all the while nursing my body and trying to stay centered in integrity and act in accordance with my core spiritual perspective. It didn’t feel like a gift, more like a three ring circus, and it was uncomfortable!
Whenever discomfort is present it is a “calling” to get clearer on what is important to you. It is growth beckoning you to step up and, realize more of your potential. The Roofie Fall Out was calling me hither. It was calling me to deal with lurking fears holding me back in other aspects of my life. It was a clanging bell stretching me beyond what I had been willing to face consciously. When I got really clear I could see the fears I had to push through to manage the Roofie Fall Out, mirrored the core fears I needed to deal with to continue to grow.
Trying to successfully navigate the three ring circus was out of my comfort zone. It was a challenge every step of the way. The ugly bow and awful wrapping on this gift was shaking me up and shaking things up, rocking me out of fear and forcing me to step into courage. It was an uncomfortable exercise in contrast and duality (Chapter 4 LIFE SHAPING QUESTIONS) but it came with the promise of Value (Chapter 11 LIFE SHAPING QUESTIONS).
I removed the wrapping to reveal the gift this incident presented; a new level of experience that washes away fears that seemed unrelated, but yet were holding me hostage. And yet as I crack open the box and sift through this package I find the real gift. I discover my learning opportunity had everything to do with TRUST!
Yep, that’s right….one of life’s biggies. You walk around telling yourself you trust, convincing yourself you trust, and think you do trust, until you bump into a drama that puts it to test on a deeper level. This was my turn to completely face surrendering to the Universe and experiencing the magic of TRUST. For once that drug really hit and I was beyond coping strategies, curbing my actions or monitoring my words I was at the absolute grace and mercy of the Universe. I had no control, and had to allow things to unfold without the help of my Ego voice saying “no don’t, you shouldn’t, say this, act that way”.
Once again, on a deeper level I am reminded that when you let go, really really really let go (not at all trying to suggest a Roofie is the way to do that), a force steps up to the plate beyond you and will take care of working it’s magic.
What a trip it has been to realize that when that drug took full hold, it brought me to my most vulnerable moment ever. In those moments the Universe took care of me, it unfolded the situations, conditions and events, surrounding me and protecting me, choosing who’s arms I was to fall in, and which loving friends would safely deliver me home.
My strangely wrapped package of being “Roofied” offers the gift of stretching into a new level of growth, facing fear and experiencing the benefit of TRUST. TRUST in the Universe that it will catch you when you fall. TRUST that the Universe does have a vantage point far greater than my logical mind to weave scenarios for the greater good. TRUST in my Inner Wisdom, for it gave me enough signs and signals in my drugged state to follow, keeping me unharmed. TRUST in myself for following those signs and signals, even though I wouldn’t remember doing so in the morning.